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64 Photos of a Screwed Up House

I could have named this post 64 reasons I can buy for 30% below market in Edmonton, but it’s not sold yet. It’s a house we bought from a distressed seller who needed to move very quickly. I’ll go into details about how to find, fund and close on places like this. This is the property I referred to in How to Buy A House In 30 Minutes.

Here are a bunch of pictures from a house I bought together with a couple people. We’re going to renovate and sell it, but it’s one of those projects that I’ll learn a lot from and I thought it’d be worthwhile to share some as we go. The project is still ongoing, so details will be sparse until it’s sold. Mom hauled 6-8 bags of garbage before I took these photos, so you can just imagine how bad it was. !

We’ll start upstairs in the master bedroom en-suite. Hardwood? Carpet? Boring, let’s just go with ripped underlay. The toilet in that room was just revolting, but I don’t seem to have a picture of that.
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And there’s enough wear to suggest it’s been like this for quite a while.

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Ancient vanity and a very odd light fixture.

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Toilet was nasty. Averted to keep this blog G-rated. Email me for the scary picture.

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Painting? Don’t bother taking off the shelves, just paint around them.

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Random panel, messed up flooring and three random adhesive devices instead of an actual closet door.

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Wheee! Let’s have a doorknob breaking party!

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Profile view. This is what happens when a door gets kicked in.

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And when a door flies open, there’s usually something to stop it. Like a wall.

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Off to the main bathroom! I always check under the sink. Old water damage, although not too bad. Manky is a good word for it.

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This old countertop is starting to grow on me. Maybe I should finish a drum kit with that….

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Again with the strange light fixtures. Just out of place.

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There’s lots of places you can dent a wall, but 12 inches over the toilet tank?

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I’ve no idea how you manage to make that mark in the toilet, or how you let the side of the vanity get stained like that. Different people have different standards.

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Oh, and in addition to the out of place light fixtures, let’s put a hook. Maybe we can have a hanging plant in the bathroom….

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Broken trim and track for the linen closet door. I imagine that someone was angry at their towels.

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Bad painter? Try using a neutral colour the first time, and try not to play create-the-dots.

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Inside the closet – Why bother finish flooring a closet? It’s not like people look in there.

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Just plain lazy or just brilliant? Seal the switch covers to the wall with paint!

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I’m not sure how they got the pink paint on the window trim, but I guess they thought they were having a girl and did a last minute paint job for a boy.

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Wall panel to the attic over the attached garage. Insulation has worked it’s way back through the crack, but it’s also obvious it hasn’t been cleaned in a good long while.

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Either a kid with a toothpick gun or a pathological fear of actual curtains.

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Our ceiling and wall painting friend strikes again!

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As does our door-kicking friend!

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And his side-kick (pun intended), the dented wall.

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Looks like a fossilized dinosaur footprint! Stairwell down to the main floor – halfway fixed.

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Ah, a strange half-repaired hole in the wall.

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Hey Mom, put your hand next to it. Maybe someone punched it.

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Close, but too big for your hand….waiiiit. It’s a head-hole. Someone smashed their head into the wall (someone around 5’10”-6′, Mom’s short)

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If you run out of firewood you can always throw it on the fire!

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Not a bad fireplace, but just oooold school. And there’s a bit of discoloration that should get cleaned up.

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At least when you put windows in the shot you can’t see the fireplace. But then the dirty floors show up. Oh well!

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What’s wrong with this picture? (The fridge had one too many beers and is having trouble standing up straight)

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Why bother cleaning up shelves? Remember, Mom took ~6 bags of crap out before these pictures were taken.

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Wow, lovely. I wish I could keep my food here.

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The tooth-pick gun man returns!

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I don’t now quite how they managed to pull this panel off, but why would you leave it exposed? *headshake*

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“Damn it Bob, I’m not going to cook your damn dinner anymore!” *CRASH*

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Actually, I think that’s from a hammer.

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Yummy oven!

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Even better! I bet everything the cooked tasted like burning.

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Chunks of stuff in the oven. That’s creative.

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I’d lost any enthusiasm for identifying food stains by this point.

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More random light fixtures.

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Poorly installed tile and trim in the powder room off the entrance.

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Ah, every garage needs a pile of garbage. That’s why the words are so similar.

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And everywhere the stairwells are the seem to have gone out of their way to wreck something. Maybe they should have considered firepoles if they’re in a rush.

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More piles of crap in the garage. Anyone want a couch? or two?

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Unidentifiable crap. I think there’s a fan in there somewhere.

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One good/nice thing was found, two brand new board games. I didn’t grab them before the garbage men showed up, so too bad.

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A hole in the wall!

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A hole in the wall they tried to cover with a clock. (and now I begin to lose all faith in people)

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Oooh, rap posters and illegal wiring! Exposed junction boxes! (This was also the home to the crack pipe and pile of porn we found hidden above the closet the day after this)

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Not enough light? Just screw an ugly, illegal fixture to a joist. Broken wire? Splice it yourself and tape it up!

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The wires are coming to get youuuuuuuu

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Why not have two boxes? You could have two switches!

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Those stairs look clean and safe to me!

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It’s like Snakes and Ladders – Electrical Edition!

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Too busy to pick up your laundry on the way out? I guess it beats burning bras.

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Everyone needs a candelabra on their hot water tank.

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And just because no job is too small to screw up, the thermostat is crooked.

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Lift up!

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Put it down….and notice the 1/4″ space at the front of the tap. Lots ‘o leakin’ when we turned the tap on.

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Our solution? Good ‘ol hard work.

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Nothing about this place is beyond help (except for maybe the guy who owned the crack pipe we found the day after this), but we got a pretty good deal. People say they want to buy foreclosure properties or do renos. This is the reality of what you need to be ready to deal with. Feel free to send me entertaining pictures of properties you’ve bought or fun renos.

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